Of course, we never thought that we'd be where we are today because of it...finding out our child really WAS in Haiti already, and that I'd be here with him on the 2 year anniversary of his birth mother's death. I wish we had a picture of her.
Today I'm surrounded by the people who have actually suffered through and SURVIVED that tragedy. I wonder if the anniversary is harder than any other day that they go on fighting to survive without loved ones in a broken country? Probably not much. I also wonder how many people around me cry every day on the inside because of the brokenness they experienced two years ago. Many of their faces don't show it and Haitians are often described as "resilient" because they somehow keep going despite the injustice, poverty, suffering and heartbreak. But I'm sure not without their fair share of tears - whether visible or on the inside.
Today I also had tears...but not the sad kind. I was hanging out with my awesome roommates and my son (after 3 bad days of him being so sick - which then gave me a little cold from my lack of sleep on mommy duty) and I ran out of kleenex to blow my nose. I have never asked John to do me a favor, but wanted to test his ability and I was also being lazy after three crazy days and counting of nursing him back to health. I looked at him and excitedly said, "Do you want to go get me some toilet paper so I can blow my nose?!" He willingly accepted the challenge with a HUGE smile and said "Yes!!!" I was shocked that the trick worked and he understood! He ran to the bathroom and came out with nothing but a very wet hand raised high in the air and a BIGGER smile.
He stuck his hand in the toilet and brought me toilet water!!!!
...I guess he isn't fluent in English yet! I laughed so hard, tears were rolling down my cheeks. A very dangerous thing because it wasn't quite the reaction that would keep him from doing it again - but it felt sooo good to laugh that hard and experience those kind of tears in the midst of all the other kinds I've been generously pouring out the past year and a half. Then, I washed his hands and sanitized them twice. Hey, that's a huge cutback from what I would've done if I was still the full time germ freak I was pre-"Haiti Heather". I even kill spiders now. Be impressed, my friends.
It was after that- after laughing with my roommates and laughing again on skype when I told his Daddy that God changed my perspective on life once again. Today, as most days, I was focusing on all the tears and heartbreak that people experience because of the earthquake. But through those tears of laughter that I'm still fighting back hours after his twalet misunderstanding, the "beauty from ashes" theme struck again.
The earthquake and suffering and corruption and injustices in Haiti (and all around the world) are TERRIBLE, HEART-WRENCHING, and TRULY UNFATHOMABLE. BUT, there is still beauty to be found amidst the shrinking piles of rubble. For Matt and I, that beauty is the gift of our son who gives us tears of laughter (along with tears of hardship and stress!) He is such a little bundle of awesome dude!!! I imagine most of the Haitians who have shed their fair share of sad tears have survived because of outbursts of tearful laughter and their own versions of beautiful testimonies they've seen transpire from the rubble of concrete, ashes, and bones.
Maybe there aren't so many changes in Haiti yet...but there has definitely been a huge change in my heart and my family because of Haiti and I am soooo happy that amidst all of the hardships, I know without a doubt that I wouldn't trade any of my tears for this journey we are on. Not even for an easier one.
"All around, hope is springing up from this old ground...You make beautiful things...You make beautiful things out of the dust...You make beautiful things out of us." - Gungor
Two songs I want to share that I just love:
Beautiful Things by Gungor - because it's the lesson of optimism and God's faithfulness I am getting beaten on the head with. And I think the lyrics and chorus are especially awesome.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR7VOKQ0xJY
Orphans, Kingdoms by Brooke Fraser - just because it's awesome.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saf5u2NUhEA
